Comebacks ...

These are things I wish I knew in my teens or 20s, things I feel today at 48 years old would have positively impacted my state of mind and the course of my life. 

Last night, I was cleaning up my desk and found a small gift wrapped box. It had no name or no note. Upon opening it I discovered it was a handmade album with heartfelt notes, on each page, from a student who used to study and spend hours and hours in my home while in college.  This student hasn't seen me or spoken to me in roughly 2 years. 

How the gift got on my desk? I'm assuming she sent the gift with another student who put the gift in with my papers and forgot to mention that she had left it for me. 

This morning, I reached out to her to thank her for the gift. Among many other things, she said she missed me. I responded with...

"I miss you too a lot and have not been able to understand the distance you keep, but as with everyone else I am giving ya’ll the space you need to do what you need to and find your way. I know you know I’m here whenever you’re ready."

Her reply...

"Honestly I am not able to ask you to meet because of the same choices I have been making. Nothing has changed and I feel ajeeb what will I say."

Here are two things I know for sure today:

1. There is nothing a child can do that should ever make them feel so embarrassed or strange that they stay away from someone who loves them, be that a parent, teacher, sibling, friend or another loved one.

Nothing will ever keep you from the forgiveness, love and support of those who truly love you. 

Failed exams, failed relationships, a crime...nothing, nothing, nothinggggggg! 

Yes, your loved one, may get angry, yell and maybe a parent in India may even hit (not saying this is right, I'm saying this is possible). Yes, they may "sunao" (lecture) you. Yes, there may be crying and accusing and so much more, but once they've had the time to make their hearts understand your choices, once they come to accept the consequences of your choices on their lives and once the "shock" of the news has settled they WILL stand by you, sit with you and walk beside you. GUARANTEED! 

I will say it again, there is no mistake, in the world, big enough to keep you from the forgiveness and love of a loved one.  It is we, who are so ashamed, we can't look at ourselves in the mirror and therefore we assume the other person can't either.

2. You have to allow your loved ones to see that you are making new choices. Choices which will move you away from the pain and closer towards joy. They can be small choices, like waking up in the morning and giving your estranged parent a hug, or going for a walk, or sitting in the sunshine for 10 minutes per day. But you have to show, through your actions that you are committed to getting yourself to a better place.

By the way telling someone, who loves you, that you're stuck, you need help, or you made a mistake, is also a choice that will move you away from the pain and closer towards your joy.

I was in my early 40s when I made the choice to stay in a relationship that was abusive, in so many different ways. As long as felt I was "alone" he kept on and I let him. One day, with tremendous fear and  embarrassment, I talked to my dad. Yes it wasn't easy, yes he was upset, because he didn't even know I was with someone, but without missing a beat he stood strong and stood by me. 

As I learned to walk away, from this man, I stood, I slipped, I stood again, I cried, I choose poorly again, I got brave. 

Dad guided, dad got sad, dad watched, dad got happy, dad listened, dad hugged, dad kept mom still and, just like that, less than 6 months later I was out and up on my feet stronger than ever before.

What I know for a fact, at 48 years old, is that those who love you will never forsake you, and the choices you make will reinforce their choice, to stand by you!

I Love you All!

You Got This and What You Don't Have, We Will Get Through Together!